Couples enter therapy for many different reasons. In almost all cases, however, there’s been a breakdown in communication. One or both partners want something more from the relationship. And one or both of you may feel worried that things are beyond repair. 

Here are some of the main issues I tend to address in my practice: 

Poor conflict resolution: All couples face conflict, and conflict isn't inherently problematic. The real problems occur when couples don't know how to appropriately resolve conflict. Even if healthy communication is your goal, triggering emotions like anger, shame, or fear can affect how you relate to your partner. Over time, you may find yourselves stuck in frustrating patterns with perpetual issues.

Pursuer-distance dynamics: The pursuer-distancer dynamic refers to one person pulling away just as soon as the other person seeks closeness. This pattern creates a disconnect that makes it difficult to achieve intimacy. If unresolved, it can lead to perpetual resentment.

Adjusting to parenting: Becoming a parent is one of the most life-changing milestones a couple can experience. It can also be incredibly challenging. Although they often identify as having tremendous love for their children, couples might feel disconnected from one another. This can happen soon after a child is born, but sometimes the effects are more insidious.

Relationship trauma: If one or both partners has a history of emotional abuse or relationship trauma, it can feel impossible to have a sense of real safety with one another. No matter how much you logically try to feel connected, you might find yourself reenacting old patterns or reactivating old wounds.

My Approach Toward Working With Couples

All couples therapists vary in their approach. It's most important that you both find a therapist you feel comfortable speaking with. Neither of you should feel like your therapist 'takes sides.' Instead, it's a matter of coming together to strengthen connection and intimacy. Both partners play a role in this dynamic, and my job is to highlight dynamics that might be contributing to relationship stress.

We might be a good fit if you value:

Gaining insight into fixed patterns: My priority as a couples therapist is to teach you both about the roles you take within your relationship. No role is inherently good or bad, but the roles may not be serving you or your partner in productive ways.

Deepening emotional intimacy: Using principles of emotionally-focused couples therapy, I emphasize how partners can turn to one another for emotional support. This often requires vulnerability (which can be difficult), but many couples find that learning how to safely rely on one another can be profoundly connecting.

Deeper introspection: I work with many couples who feel like things are "okay" or "pretty good." But they know there's room for improvement, and they want to strengthen their relationship satisfaction. When this is the case, therapy focuses on committing to the positive aspects of the relationship, strengthening problem-solving skills, and building a sense of shared meaning.

Being a therapist yourself: I specialize in working with therapists and other mental health professionals. Many therapists feel nervous to attend couples therapy with their partner. They don't want to be judged by their therapist, and they might experience shame or guilt about the problems they're experiencing. My goal is to build upon the strengths you inherently have as a therapist without ever treating you as if you should inherently have it "all figured out." You're a human, and you're in a human relationship!

Couples Therapy in Orange County, California

Our couples therapy sessions may feel intense and, at times, painful. But my goal is to help you and your partner feel like you're on the same page- both in your present life and in building your future together.

If you're struggling with relationship issues, I offer a supportive environment to explore your issues and come together as a team.

If you'd like to learn more about my process, contact me today to schedule a consultation.